Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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