no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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