He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
