rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
