You just made me feel so damn special
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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