You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My bed smells like the plague
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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