and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
