Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
