I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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