is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
