you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
