Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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