I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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