was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
