We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
