I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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