You're so nebulous sometimes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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