This is not my ceiling
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I yelled at your uterus for you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
