wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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