Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
