I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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