dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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