Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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