Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
