i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
