I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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