dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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