He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
