mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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