Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
