yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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