Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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