I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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