i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
