uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize