Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
