Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
