Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
