summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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