hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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