yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
