I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
