All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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