we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
