Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
