oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
