do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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