I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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