Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
