Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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