I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
