Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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