Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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