Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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