We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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