a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
