I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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