I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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