everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
