so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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