Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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