she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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