if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
MIDGETS
????
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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