walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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