May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
