She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
