Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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