just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
two words: eviction party
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
