So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
