Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
