It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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