I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
