Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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