I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
