I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry my hands just texted you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
