She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
