Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
