By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
