he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
