This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
