How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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