my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
