Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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